Roleplaying, not Living
Rated ADULT
Warnings:
Roleplay, Cockrings
Xander stood in front of the cheap mirror in his L.A. motel and stared at his naked body. He didn't know himself anymore. He was leaner than he had been since high school, and frankly he needed to put a little of the muscle back on. Sitting on his ass didn't keep him fit the way construction had. Maybe he'd get back into construction, he thought as he considered himself.
But what he really wanted to look at were the five scars neatly trailing down his chest. The first was centered between his nipples and they continued down to the last one a couple of inches above his belly button. If Xander had thought the African ceremony was hocus pocus and hallucinogenic smoke, Willow's reaction had pretty much nixed that. He still hurt in his heart over the things she had said. Yes, he had opened himself up to magic, and him and magic were definitely unmixy, but at the time... Xander sighed. He had to believe it was the right decision. Ahn wouldn't have lied. And as much as Xander refused to say it out loud, William wouldn't have lied.
Xander started by touching his first scar. He smiled at the faint hints of disdain that flowed back at him. "Yeah, yeah," he told his invisible friend. She might not think he was any great shakes, but he was here. He'd survived Armageddons and hellmouths and angry witches crying and telling him he was an idiot. Only Willow used nicer words. Looking in the mirror, Xander squinted the old eye shut and looked in the reflection with his new eye. He could barely see the first slayer in the shadow considering him with a tilted head.
"Nothing disparaging to say?" he asked. She winked out of existence.
Xander chuckled and looked back at his own reflection. He considered skipping the second scar, but the shaman, Kymani, had warned him that spiritual advisors were chosen by the universe, and ignoring them was big with the stupid. So, Xander ran his fingers over the scar. Jesse's demon flashed in the mirror and vanished, but the mayor appeared so real that Xander was tempted to turn and look for him in the room.
"Well, really, I don't think that's proper attire for a meeting." Wilkins said as he made a point of looking at the ceiling.
"Kymani said that clothing could give a false illusion of protection, and I had to face the spirit world naked. Actually, he suggested a ceremonial body paint put on by six sacred warriors, but I'm out of sacred warriors and body paint, so I'm improvising," Xander shrugged.
"I suppose we must all suffer through," Wilkins said as he turned his back on Xander and looked at the room. "This is really quite unacceptable. You will never be taken seriously as a mystical power if you cannot establish a certain aura of authority, and this mess is simply not authoritative," Wilkins said as he frowned at the mess Xander had left in the hotel.
"Why would I want to be taken seriously?" Xander asked. That made Wilkins turn and look at him.
"We all want to be taken seriously," he said very slowly and carefully.
"Pretty kitty keeps climbing in my dreams. Bad kitty. Bad, bad kitty. Mummy will have to take away the milk." Drusilla pranced into Xander's mirror.
"Yes, and I'm sure we are all terribly concerned with his milk," Wilkins sighed as though greatly put upon.
"I hear you calling, pretty. So loud in my head." Dru put her hand to her temple and rocked her head in a circle.
"You don't have to come if you don't want to, Dru," Xander said as he looked at her mystical reflection. Dru came up behind him and rested a ghostly chin on his shoulder.
"You're looking for my Spike."
"Yeah," Xander agreed.
Drusilla got a confused expression on her face. "My prince left me. Too many times calling the sheep and now he's gone and retrieved his efflugent fire. He'd burn me all up, now," she said sadly. "But if he's upset, he always goes to water. He'd look out over the dark waves and read poetry to me." Dru put both her hands to her head and backed away with a cry of pain, and then she was gone.
"Someone truly should put her down," Wilkins said softly.
"Why? Because she's evil? Newsflash, you're evil, too," Xander pointed out.
"I tried to make the world better. And yes, you may object to my methods, but she is simply insane. And worse, she creates chaos everywhere she goes." And with an angry huff, Wilkins was gone. Xander couldn't say he was sorry. His fingers trailed down to the third scar. He had no more than touched it when ghost hands came round him, trailing over his nipples and running down to his cock.
"I wish we could have orgasm. I miss orgasms," Anya announced.
"Hey, Ahn."
She pressed a faint, cool kiss on the back of his neck, and Xander could feel himself response to her. "It's good to know I can still turn a man on," Ahn said with a laugh as she reached around and touched his cock. "But I don't know how to help you on this one."
"Dru said he'd be by the water, and I'm figuring a bar," Xander said.
"So, you're checking every waterfront bar in L.A.?"
"Well, that or trying to get him to tell me where he is," Xander pointed out. Anya stopped and looked at him.
"Tell you? You mean, he's one of your spirit guides?"
"He's two of them, actually, the vampire demon and the human part of Spike both," Xander answered.
"Xander," Anya said slowly, "I've been around for a millennia, and I've never known of someone having a spirit guide who's still alive."
"He's not alive. I figure him and Dru get a special pass since they're technically dead."
Anya was already shaking her head. "Dru got dusted in Mexico. She's really dead. Are you sure that Spike hasn't been dusted?"
"No," Xander said with a near panic gathering in his guts.
"Xander," Anya said sadly.
"No! He said he's in L.A., and he is," Xander said sharply. Anya blinked out of existence. "Shit. Anya? Ahn? Come on, please?" Xander called. The room behind him was empty. With a sigh, Xander moved his fingers to the fourth mark.
William immediately appeared draped over the bed, and the demon paced the room angrily.
"Sod off," William said in a voice that was way more Spike than William. The demon growled.
"Hey, Spike, buddy, pal, where the hell are you?" Xander asked the reflection. It was weird looking at Spike in the mirror, but the man pushed himself up onto his elbows and used the reflection to glare back at Xander.
"Oh bloody hell, why do my dreams have to turn me into this fop?" Spike asked as he got off the bed and stalked toward the mirror. Shoving the demon to one side, Spike pulled off the William glasses and threw them to one side before trying to push his curls back with his hands.
"Hard day?" Xander asked.
"Like you lot bloody care," Spike snorted.
"I do care. I only found out you were alive when I went back to England and beat the truth out of Andrew." Xander shrugged. "Only there was less beating then there was threatening to use his comic book collection for kindling."
Spike looked at him in confusion. "Why do you care?" he asked, and the cockney accent fell away.
For a second, Xander thought about that one. "Because you died for us."
"I died for Buffy," Spike corrected him.
"Yeah, I get that. I'm not sure it makes me a good person, but I pretty much fight just for the people I love, too."
Spike looked at him with some confusion, and Xander pulled the man over, his form feeling like tissue paper under his hands, like he could rip right through Spike if he wasn't careful. The demon growled, but Xander held Spike in front of him with his arms around Spike's stomach. Spike rested his hands on Xander's arms as he looked at himself.
"What do you see?" Xander asked.
"A bloody failure," Spike immediately answered.
"I see a man willing to die for love. I see someone who gives all his loyalty and never seems to get any in return." Xander had thought a lot about this since his last vision, and every word was true. The demon came up behind Xander and snuffed at his shoulder.
"Better watch out there, mate, you're about to get bit," Spike pointed out wearily.
"Yeah, I know," Xander answered. "But he isn’t all you have in you. Back before the soul, all you had was the beast and the beast's memory of love. But now you have you in there, too. I should have seen that."
"Why? You never liked the poof," Spike pointed out, and again, his voice had gone soft.
"That's because he's an asshole. You're actually a lot of fun when I'm not busy being scared of you. You risked everything for Dawn, for Buffy. You were a good friend, and no one treated you like they should have. Xander didn't know how to convince Spike of that, but he sure knew what Spike had done last time they'd met in the spirit world. Reaching down, Xander slowly unbuttoned Spike's jeans.
"What do you see in the mirror?" Xander asked.
"A sorry sod who has to has to jerk off to dreams about soddin' Xander Harris to get his end off," Spike sighed. The demon behind Xander growled.
"Last time you said you were jealous because I knew how to love without conditions."
"I said he was jealous," Spike said with a thumb in the demon's direction.
"Okay, I'm new with this guy on guy stuff. Any chance we can save the guy on demon stuff for another delusion?" Xander asked as he slowly worked his hand inside Spike's pants and found what he was looking for. "Watch us," Xander whispered in Spike's ear as he worked his hand up and down Spike's hardening cock. "Just watch us." Xander slowly slipped Spike's cock out and fingered the head of it, feeling the moisture gather. He played with the head until Spike groaned, and then Xander slipped his hand back into Spike's jeans and explored the shape of his balls and the curled hair hidden there.
"Fuck, Harris. Have some pity here," Spike begged, and Xander fisted Spike's cock and started pumping it.
"Watch us," Xander repeated, and Spike's blue eyes came open and looked at the mirror. Xander watched as he pumped Spike's cock faster and faster. Spike clawed at his arms, his breath coming faster and faster, and over both their shoulders, the demon growled.
"Fuck, I'm coming," Spike cried as he thrust forward with his hips. Xander cried out himself when sharp teeth sank into his shoulder and then he started coming. The demon reached around and pulled both of them tight against his own body, and Xander was squished in the middle, which was probably good because it was about the only thing holding him up after his orgasm. Damn, he hadn't expected that.
"Now I know I'm fucking dreaming. You're bleeding and you aren't even complaining," Spike said as he leaned his head back into Xander's shoulder.
"Where are you, Spike?"
"Around, mate."
"Give me a place, a name. Please, Spike."
Spike rolled his head to the side and frowned at Xander for a second. "I'm goin' round the bloody bend here, aren't I?"
"Tell me where you are," Xander repeated softly. The demon growled, and Xander had the feeling the beast was on his side this time.
"Around. Sleeping wherever I can flop. Been spending time at the Ditchdigger and the Golden Drunk."
"I'll find you, Spike," Xander promised. Spike looked at him strangely. "I'm either too drunk or not drunk enough," Spike sighed, and then Xander collapsed to the floor as both the human and demon versions of Spike vanished in a blink.
Xander pushed into the dark bar. A demon got up as though to challenge him, and then got one good smell and backed off. Yep, demon repellant—one more benefit to being a shaman. Xander was just hoping that it didn't repel all demons.
When he looked around, Xander didn't see Spike, but his scar was itching like mad so Xander walked farther into the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender asked. Out of Xander's right eye, the guy looked like a most demons. Out of Xander's brand new left eye, he was covered in ghostly spikes all over his face.
"A vampire," Xander started, and the bartender cut him off.
"This isn't a suckhouse, get lost."
"Hey, I do not want to get bitten. I go out of my way to avoid getting bitten, in fact," Xander hurried to say. "I'm looking for a particular vampire. Bleached hair, leather coat, English accent and way too much attitude," Xander hurried to say. The bartender looked at him and poked a thumb toward the back. Xander followed his gesture into a backroom dominated by a pool table. Spike was leaning against the pool table with a stick in hand.
He looked over in clear surprise.
"Spike," Xander breathed in relief.
"Moron," Spike returned the greeting.
"Shit, Spike, can't you at least give me a second before starting the crap."
"Nope."
Right, why exactly had Xander thought this was going to be easy? "Hey, I know, let's pretend we don't know each other. No past, no mutually annoying insults, just two guys in a bar," Xander said hopefully. Spike might be needy and friendly in vision, but in real life the man was still all prickles and attitude.
"I don't drink with losers," Spike said with a snort. But then he paused for a second. "Unless the losers are buying, that is," he said as he crossed his arms and looked at Xander meaningfully.
"Right, I can do that," Xander said as he reversed direction to go buy a Jack Daniels and a bottle of beer. With ammunition in hand, Xander headed back into the pool room.
"So, come here often?" Xander asked as he handed over the double of whiskey. Spike threw the drink back in one gulp and then looked at Xander like he was a moron.
"'Bout every night. Why? You lookin' for something regular? Regular costs more."
"Regular... what?" Xander gripped his beer and just stared at Spike in confusion.
Spike ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip and stalked toward Xander, all predator. "I pick who gets to hire me. I don't like how you smell, and you're outta here. You bug me after I tell you to sod off, and you get to be dinner," Spike warned as he took a deep breath near Xander's neck. Xander could feel his cock harden at the tone, but then Xander had the benefit of already being in a sexual relationship with spirit Spike, so inappropriate hardening was obviously a side effect of knowing how good Spike's mouth felt on his cock.
Suddenly Xander was pinned against the wall, impossibly strong hands holding him immobile as Xander could only gasp for air that had been driven from him when he hit the wall.
"What the fuck are you?"
"What?"
"If I have to ask again, I'm adding you to the menu now," Spike warned, and Xander froze as he realized that Spike meant it. Shit, the vampire was hunting again. Not really the time to figure it out, though.
"I'm Xander."
"Xander's not a shaman."
"Oh... that," Xander said softly. Spike's eyebrows went up. And then Spike's hands were doing inappropriate touching that was making Xander's little head get even harder. Xander found himself stripped of his shirt and pinned back against the wall in no time.
"Um, there was a ceremony and a shaman and some really funky smoke," Xander admitted as Spike ran his hands over the scars.
"So, a shaman comes wandering into a bar looking for a fuck. There's a punchline in that," Spike said as he backed off a step and threw Xander his shirt.
"Looking for a what?" Xander squeaked. Spike smirked.
"I'm the best, pet. You can't beat a master vampire when you want both a demon and someone with control over a demon. But even if I weren't known as the best fuck for hire, there's the fact that you smell so horny you're about to go off already," Spike said as his smirk grew.
"Do you talk to all the strangers who come up to you this way?" Xander asked.
"Hell, yeah, pet. It's part of the service. You hire me, and you get a full on demon."
"Hire you? You want me to hire you?" Xander had so totally lost control of this situation somewhere along the way.
"Stranger walks in here looking for me, he's either trying to hire me or kill me. Which category are you in, mate?"
"With those two choices, I guess I'm trying to hire you," Xander said. Spike's smirk turned to a leer.
"I'm going to pound you so hard you're going to be talking to those spirits of yours, shaman," Spike said as he closed in on Xander again, but this time instead of slamming Xander into the wall, he ran his hands possessively over Xander's chest and shoulders. Using a thumb and finger, he pinched Xander's nipple and the reached down and cupped Xander's genitals.
"I'm not sure you're going to make it to my place," Spike said with some humor in his voice. And Spike had Xander's pants open before Xander could even form words much less words that would discuss the inappropriateness of getting stripped in the middle of a demon bar. But Spike didn't strip him, he just shoved Xander's pants down to his thighs and knelt down. "This should keep you in line until we can get somewhere," Spike said as he snapped a leather cock ring around the base of Xander's erection. Xander reached for it, but Spike knocked his hands away and quickly fastened Xander's pants back up, squishing Xander's erection while at the same time making it embarrassingly obviously where it strained against the material.
"I have a place where I take clients, so let's go. And if you don't have the cash on you now, you'd better find it when we're done or you're going to pay in blood, mate."
Xander started to answer, but Spike caught him by the wrist and started out of the bar, dragging Xander. Xander yelped as the cock ring caught the hairs around his balls and made him ache with a need to come, but he really couldn't do much but stumble behind Spike and pray that he got to come tonight before his cock fell off. Because he really, really needed to come.
Spike shoved him onto the back of a motorcycle before taking a terrifying drive along the docks to a warehouse with a half dozen demons standing around outside, and the vibrations of the motorcycle and the cock ring combined to nearly cripple Xander with lust.
"Spike, I'm not sure..." Xander started.
Spike twirled around and grabbed Xander by the throat. "Are you talking? Shaman or not, you're a human. You want to pay to get reminded that you're on the bottom of the food chain, well, I'm reminding you. You be a good boy, or you'll find out just how low on the food chain humans are around here."
Spike just held him for several seconds, and Xander waited silently, fear crawling into his guts and clawing at his chest making it hard for him to breathe. And now the cock ring was keeping him hard when his penis was definitely interested in shrinking. Slowly Spike let go, and Xander didn't say a word as Spike just stared at him. After a minute or so, Spike grabbed his wrist and started pulling him toward the building.
"Hey, Spike, haven't seen you in a while," a yellowish demon called.
"Busy, mate."
"Not the way to keep clients happy."
Xander found himself dragged behind Spike as the vampire grabbed the yellow demon and shoved him against the side of the warehouse. "I fuck who I want when I want. If those fuckers want a tame demon, they can call you. If they want me, then they're there to serve me when I feel like using their holes and nothing else. Got it?" Spike snarled in full gameface.
"Yeah, yeah, got it," the other demon quickly agreed, and Spike tossed him to the side. And then Xander was getting dragged into a demon whorehouse, and this was bad like world-ending bad. This was... this was way more stupid than going and doing shamanic rites. This was likely-to-cause-death stupid, but Xander still followed silently as Spike dragged him through hallways.
Demons were everywhere, as were humans, most of them on chains or tightly tied. Xander could feel panic growing, and he raised his hand. He hovered over the first scar, but he wasn't sure the first slayer liked him enough to give him any advice. He touched the third one, instead. Anya was so going to call him an idiot, just as soon as he found a reflective surface.
"On your knees," Spike ordered, and Xander dropped to his knees immediately. Reflection, reflection. Fuck, there wasn't anything reflective in the whole black-satin draped room where Spike had brought them.
"Two hundred as we play as long as I feel like meaning you'd better be fucking good or I'll get bored fast. Three hundred an hour if you want to set a time, and you set the time right fucking now. No backing out later. No safewords. You make me unhappy enough, and I'll eat you just for pissing me off. So, what's your budget?" Spike asked as he sprawled over a Victorian settee upholstered in black.
"Um, I don't—"
"Two hundred then. I'm not keeping you around after I'm bored. Strip," Spike ordered. Xander hesitated and Spike was there pulling clothes off so fast that Xander ended up on his back naked before he could say anything.
"Still hard," Spike said, and Xander wasn't sure if his tone was mocking or approving of that fact.
"Only because of the cock ring," Xander pointed out, and that was the wrong thing to say, Spike grabbed him by the neck and pulled him up. Xander flailed as Spike pushed him back until his knees hit the huge bed, and then Xander was getting tossed back onto it. Looking up, he groaned as he saw the top of the four poster bed.
"Oh yeah, this is more like it," Anya said happily from the mirror. Popcorn appeared in her hand.
"Oh fuck," Xander groaned.
"That's the goal," Spike agreed as he flipped Xander over. "Hands up."
This had gone so far that Xander didn't even bother trying to reason with Spike, he just raised his hands and let Spike use heavy cuffs to tie him to the headboard. Hell, he even opened his legs without being ordered.
"Spike doesn't look particularly happy," Anya offered. "But your ass is just as beautiful as always. If I were alive, I'd tell Spike to use a paddle on it. You always looked very good with a red ass," she cheerfully commented.
Xander gasped as a slick finger was pushed into him with no preparation.
"Bloody fucking hell. Are you a virgin?"
"No!" Xander said at the same time Anya offered an enthusiastic "Oh, yeah!"
"I'm not," Xander protested. "I've had sex with lots of women. Okay, not lots but there have been several."
"With men, you moron. Are you a virgin to having a cock stuffed up your arse?"
"Oh. Um, that. Yeah," Xander agreed.
"It's like deciding you're going to try scotch and starting with 50 year old Chivas Regal Royal Salute. I'm too bloody much for you. I'll get one of the others if you're that keen on getting your cherry popped."
"He's afraid," Anya offered. "Letting someone be first means you care about them, and he doesn't want to think you care about him. It's safer being alone because then you don’t get your heart broken. Men are such idiots."
"I want you. Only you," Xander quickly said.
"You don't want me. Got a vampire in me, don't I? It might pop out and start eating you," Spike warned.
"See?" Anya demanded. "See? Such a man. Feel threatened and your first response is to push everyone away."
"Okay," Xander answered Spike while really trying his best to ignore Anya. Yeah he was agreeing with her insights, but having her watch this with popcorn in hand was just slightly weird.
Xander's answer made Spike shut up. "Bloody hell. Who the fuck are you and what did you do to Harris?"
"Hey, we're role playing here. We are pretending to be two adults just looking to get something from each other," Xander hurried to say as he turned his head and watched Spike over his shoulder. "I'm role playing at being mature, and part of that is saying that I trust people who do the right thing most of the time. And yeah, you caught me off guard with the whole prostitution gig, but I trust you."
Spike reached out and grabbed one of the posts of the bed. "Have ta say, mate, if you're trying to convince me to role play being strangers, you're doing a fine job. I don't think I've ever met you before."
"Nope. Time changes everyone. But right now, I'm starting to get horny again, and I'm chained to a bed, and I'm fairly sure someone offered to stuff my ass full of cock."
"Did not. Asked if it ever had been stuffed," Spike argued.
"Which implied that you were willing to do the stuffing," Xander countered.
"Prat."
"Whore."
"Well, yeah," Spike said with a shrug. "Which is why you're still bloody paying me two hundred when this is over."
"Oh goody," Anya said with a clap. "It's starting."
Xander groaned. Of course he had to call her for help. Xander was distracted by a slick finger sliding back into his ass. It felt strange. "Just relax, Harris. Are you sure about this? I could drive you back to the bar."
"Nope, I'm sure. Terrified, but sure," Xander insisted as firmly as he could. Spike's hands moved over his back almost tenderly, and Xander could feel the heat gathering in his cock as it started showing an interest in the proceedings.
Spike worked a second finger in, and Xander grunted at the uncomfortable stretching. Even working to try and relax, Xander couldn't. When Spike reached deeper, Xander pressed his forehead to the pillow and prayed he would be one of those guys who really like his prostate being played with. The second Spike found the right spot, Xander had his answer.
"Oh fuck," Xander cursed as he humped the satin sheet and groaned as the cock ring pulled out more hairs. But not even that annoying pain could stop him from rubbing against the sheets. The heat in his ass and the satin across his cock nearly sent him right over the edge, but then Spike pulled out, and physically lifted Xander's hips so he couldn't touch anything but air.
"Spike, please," Xander gasped as he got his knees under him, and now he really felt vulnerable with his ass up in the air.
"I like the sound of that."
"Then please let me come. Please," Xander begged.
"After I've stuffed you full of cock," Spike promised. He climbed on the bed behind Xander, and then Xander felt Spike's cock start to push in.
It hurt. No two ways about it; that hurt. Xander breathed deep and tried to relax as his hole stretched way past where it should.
"Oh don't be a baby," Anya offered without much sympathy. "Women push babies out little tiny holes all the time."
Xander gasped in laughter, and suddenly Spike was all the way in, his cock pressing against Xander's prostate, and at least now there was pleasure and pain. Focusing on the pleasure, Xander just breathed as Spike slowly rocked in and out until the pain started to fade. And then Spike reached around and grabbed Xander's cock, and Xander gave a wordless cry and arched his back.
Spike's thrusts grew longer and harder and now Xander gasped with each movement, his body tightening as it moved toward orgasm. If he didn't have on the damn cock ring, he would have come already. Xander started whining with need as Spike pounded harder and harder, and then a sharp pain in Xander's neck turned his whole body into one open nerve that Spike was stroking and thrusting into and tasting all at once. Spike snapped the cock ring off and Xander jerked and started coming so hard that the world got kinda fuzzy. He found himself stomach down in a good sized wet spot, Spike still draped over his back.
"Oh, that's good," Xander sighed as lay there boneless.
"Bloody hell, never expected to hear you say that," Spike answered. Xander realized the vampire was still dressed. It seemed wrong somehow.
"I'll take you back to your hotel. Whatever kink you have what needs scratched, you come to me," Spike warned. "And if you're trying to avoid the slayer, don't let too many demons get a good sniff of you. Word of a new shaman will go wandering back to Rupes eventually." Spike got up off the bed and buttoned up his jeans.
"Spike," Xander said with a frown.
"Nope. You only paid for time until I was bored. I'm bored." Spike walked around and unbuckled the straps around Xander's wrists.
"He's stupid past most male stupidity, and he's ruining a perfect post-coital moment here. Men never know how to handle that moment after sex, but he's worse than most. Xander, do something, he's trying to push you away because he doesn't want to get hurt when you walk away."
"I know that," Xander hissed.
"Glad to know that you know I’m bored," Spike said, but he was frowning at Xander as though Xander were being particularly stupid.
"Look, Spike, maybe we can talk," Xander said, wincing a little as he stood.
"I don't get paid to talk."
"Hey, then it's perfect, I can talk and you can listen," Xander pointed out. Next thing he knew, he was pinned face down on the bed, and Spike was pressing his thumb into Xander's jaw.
Xander opened his mouth to complain, and Spike shoved a large gag deep into his mouth. Xander reached up to pull it out, but human strength couldn't compete, and so Spike easily buckled the gag and then slipped a lock into place and Xander couldn't stop him.
"Right then, get dressed, and write out which hotel you're staying at," Spike said as he stood up. Xander sat on the bed and glared as Spike pulled a pen and a small pad of paper out of one of the pockets of his duster and tossed them on the bed next to Xander. Xander could only sigh through his nose.
"Men are such idiots. He is really afraid you're going to say something supportive and loving and screw up the whole angry, depressed theme he has going. He should look into therapy. I read this Vogue article on depression, and he meets every one of their signs."
Xander tipped his head back and looked up at the mirror. Anya had a sympathetic look on her face, but Xander wasn't sure if she was feeling sorry for him or for Spike, and right now, it didn't look like he was going to get a chance to ask her. With one last sigh through his nose, Xander got up and started collecting his clothes.