Second Verse
Chapter 14 -- Confrontation
He only distantly realized that he had shifted to his knees; after all, they weren't his knees any more in any significant sense. Spike had once told him that the demon would simply influence him, but he found that he could simply hide and allow the demon to move his limbs while he watched. It wasn't him that Cassidy smiled at as he unlocked the chain, leaving the heavy metal collar in place as a reminder of his new status. It wasn't him who knelt beside Cassidy as the vampire planned a final victory. The only him that existed hid in a dark corner of his mind and cried as Cassidy described the ceremony that would force all vampires in the city to submit to him as their master. Some law firm wanted Angel brought under control, and Cassidy just plain wanted control. Xander almost screamed at the thought of this disgusting piece of vampire waste forcing Spike to submit, but it didn't really matter any more, so he slid back into his space of half-dreaming.
A day passed, but he knew only when he lay down to sleep on the floor next to Cassidy's bed. He had hidden in the darkest corner of his mind, expecting rape with a side order of torture and sodomy, but Cassidy seemed content to allow him to publicly grovel. He couldn't even bring himself to care when, as Spike had once told him, he discovered that he was expected to eat off the floor. That was the only time the demon had earned a beating, but the whip marks healed in hours, which surprised even Cassidy.
Xander had resigned himself to this half-life until such time as Cassidy finally killed him. Until, of course, a minion burst into Cassidy's room on night two, nearly falling over Xander to get to the bed.
"Master, you must wake," the dirty-blond vampire begged as he stood next to the bed. Evan or Eli or Eddy, he couldn't remember the vampire's name, but he didn't really try too hard as he felt his arms gather and fold the single blanket Cassidy allowed him as he knelt on the hard floor in the corner formed by the wall and the bed.
E-something vamp didn't cause Xander's re-emergence, but his next words sure did.
"Master, the guards have captured Master Spike." At those words, Cassidy flew from the bed. For the first time since releasing the demon, Xander felt himself truly wake up, but he also found himself unable to take back control. He raged and swore and insulted Cassidy's lineage until he nearly drove himself mad, but his body remained kneeling, his head bent as he waited for Cassidy to dress and signal him to either join him or wait. When the signal came to follow, he wanted to sigh in relief, but he couldn't even manage that. Instead he meekly followed Cassidy into the throne room where four or five vampires struggled to hang on to the chains that imprisoned Spike. After a brief struggle, he forced his eyes to dart over to see that Spike had only minor wounds, but then the eyes returned to the floor as he settled in on his knees beside his master's throne. The rattling of the chains grew suddenly quiet so that he could hear Spike gasp and growl.
"Bloody wanker,” Spike hissed, and he could tell just from the sound that Spike had on his game face. Unfortunately, his eyes remained fastened to the floor several feet in front of Spike, so he couldn't see for himself.
"Yes, I've reclaimed your little trophy. I'd planned to kill him once I'd finished with him, but now I'm thinking of keeping him." He felt Cassidy's fingers run through his hair, and he cringed as some part of him all but purred and leaned into the caress. Using the demon's pleasure as a distraction, he grabbed back a bit of control and glanced up. Spike had an expression of pure fury as gold eyes and white teeth both flashed in the low light.
"I'll rip your bullocks off and make you eat 'em," Spike promised with a snarl.
"Now, now. You had your chance to claim him, and you lost. Seems like you're good at losing, you've done it enough." Cassidy released his hair, and he went back to a full kneel with is hands palm up on his thighs as he waited unmoving. "He really is quite a find. With very little training, he's become a court favorite." Cassidy gave an imperial wave toward Spike that he could see out of the corner of his eye. "Fasten him to the pillar," Cassidy ordered.
Xander watched as the minions pulled the still hissing Spike over to the pillar and chained his hands above his head by using a pulley that pulled him up until Spike stood on his toes. Other minions fastened his leg chains to the pillar so that the vampire would not even be able to kick.
"Oi, you lot follow him and you'll end up dust, every last one of you nancy boys'll die, I promise that."
"You should have stayed away, Spike. Drusilla with her magic and visions had to die, but I would have left you alone as long as you stayed out of my city and didn't try to save Angel. You could have lived a long and healthy unlife." Cassidy descended the steps and walked toward the now chained Spike, and with a small gesture, ordered Xander to follow. He followed with his head still bent and knelt at Cassidy's side as Cassidy stopped inches from the imprisoned Spike.
"But now you'll have to die, and for what?"
"He isn’t yours," Spike snarled in an accent so think that it took a moment to decipher. When Xander realized the implications, he teetered between joy and confusion. Spike had come for him?
"Funny, he smells like mine."
"Yeah, well he's a bit different; smell lies when it comes to 'im."
"And I suppose that you think he's yours?" Cassidy laughed at that one, and Xander struggled to force his eyes upwards. For the one brief second he caught Spike's eye, he saw hope and pride and a fierce desire to kill, but then his own eyes dropped back down without his consent, and he could hear the clatter as Spike jerked in his chains. "You do, don't you? Well, I promise you that my pet is firmly in hand. I heard about the incident with the Slacktha demon over at Bulad, and I promise you that he has shown no such behavior here because he is with his true master." Xander shivered at those words. "He's been a perfectly behaved pet," Cassidy commented as Xander felt the touch on his shoulder—or should that be his demon's shoulder now because he had no control over it. Either way he knew the signal to be a command to stay, so when Cassidy moved away, he remained kneeling in front of Spike and waited as he felt Cassidy return.
"I know one sure way to convince you just how wrong you are." Xander looked up as he felt Cassidy's fingers under his chin. Cassidy's face had an almost angelic smile and the vampire held out a sharply pointed stake. Xander felt his hand curl around the stake even as his mind began screaming against the order he knew would come.
"Kill him," Cassidy ordered as his smile grew even wider. Xander struggled to regain control even as he rose to his feet. When he stood before Spike, one part of his brain noticed the look of pain and horror on the blond vampire's face even while another part struggled to gain control of the hand that slowly rose holding the deadly stake. Spike pulled at the chains holding him once before settling again, but Xander barely noticed as he spent every ounce of strength he owned trying to regain control over his arm.
In desperation, he resorted to his most powerful weapon: singing Rubber Duckie in an effort to drive the demon back into the space from which it had come. Spike twitched his eyebrow and cocked his head in a familiar gesture of confusion even as Xander felt the arm begin to twitch. He realized that he had broken through when he heard his own voice humming. Xander turned and saw the confused look on Cassidy's face in the moment before he drove the stake forward and turned Cassidy into a pile of dust.
"Oi, you show 'em pet, perfectly behaved except for an odd spot of staking," Spike crowed from his shackles. "Told you lot you were in for it!" Xander started backing away, an odd feeling of panic growing in his chest.
In the background he could hear Spike yelling insults as minions ran, but he soon grew far too concerned about the howling in his own head. The pain mounted, grew, threatened to overwhelm him as he realized that he had staked Cassidy. Part of him, okay all of Xander-him reveled in turning the arrogant son-of-a-bitch into dusty bits, but the demon-him howled in such pain that Xander squeezed his eyes shut and backed into a corner, struggling to catch his breath. He could hear new voices, demands for release, breaking furniture, but he must not be getting enough oxygen because his brain could not put all the pieces together. A voice finally pulled on his consciousness, demanding his attention.
"Pet?" Xander opened his eyes to see Spike crouched on the floor before him, bouncing on the balls of his feet just like he had seen so many times before. "Pet, you okay?" the quiet voice came again.
"What did you do to him?" demanded an angry voice, and Xander flinched. *Enemy* the voice in his head insisted. *Enemy. Kill. Hide. Escape.* He struggled to pull enough air into his lungs even as he pressed himself into the corner, but then Spike's voice returned and he held onto that lifeline. The voice in his head was confused about Spike. *Enemy* and *Clan* chased each other around in his head, but he knew that he could trust Spike. Spike had come back for him. Spike had stood, waiting for death with nothing more than a look of sadness. Spike hadn't cursed him or blamed him or called him weak.
"Peaches, if you don't back off and give him space I'll stake ya myself," Spike quietly declared in the same tone most people use to discuss the weather. Xander realized that Spike didn't want to scare him. Spike hid his anger with his sire because Spike wanted to protect him.
"Spike?" he whispered, the voice in his head finally starting to quiet.
"Yeah, pet?"
"I killed him." He flinched at his own words.
"Yeah, did a good job. He was going to kill me, so it's a good thing you did, innit?"
"Spike?" He held out his hand until he could curl his own fingers around Spike's arm, and the bouncing stopped.
"Pet?"
"I don't feel well." In reality, he felt like he was going to throw up his own intestines, possibly his liver and his soul as well.
"Right, we're outta here." Xander felt strong arms lift him, and he wanted to object that he wasn't an invalid, but the fact remained that he couldn't have walked if his life depended on it. At the physical contact, the chorus of *Enemy* *Clan* grew louder until Xander started quietly singing to himself.
"Bloody hell, not the llama song, do the one from earlier," Spike complained.
"You like Rubber Duckie more than the Llama song?" Xander almost laughed at that, but then his insides froze as Angel stepped in front of them. Before he hadn't exactly liked Angel, but he never felt this level of hatred for him before, either.
"William, you are not taking him," Angel growled softly.
"Not your business, mate," Spike snapped back as he slid into game face. Xander could hear a feminine gasp that he guessed would be Cordelia. He turned and saw her with another man, slender with eyes that seemed to catch everything.
"I won't let you take a life."
"Good, because this isn't him taking anything," Xander said as he struggled to ignore the internal voices. "I'm giving." He saw Angel step back; he heard Cordelia gasp again.
"You have no idea what you're saying. I can get you to a doctor—one who knows how to treat this sort of problem."
"No, Angel, you can't. There's only one person in this room I trust, and unless you plan on forcing me the same way Cassidy did, I won't go with you, and I suggest that you check the bottom of your shoe for what's left of Cassidy before you try that." Xander tried to make his voice firm, but he knew that it trembled. Even worse, Spike still held him as if he were a child, but maybe he could make Angel see that he had a right to make choices even if he didn't have the strength to enforce his choices right now.
"Oi, that's that then," Spike announced as he started forward again, ignoring Angel and clearly expecting the older vampire to move. "How many times does he have to bloody tell you to mind your own business, Peaches?"
"William."
"No. Not havin' this discussion with him so bloody hurt he's humming soddin' children's songs in my ear. Now back off. We'll talk later."
"And will he be human then?" Angel demanded without moving so that Xander found himself inches away from Angel's chest. He knew that the humming gave away his discomfort, but he didn't know how close these two were to meeting a demon loyal to Cassidy that just wanted to kill Angel, even if its feelings towards Spike were a little more confused.
"Not your business," Spike snarled in return.
"It is my business, William." Xander now added the words, chanting them to himself as he tried to force the panicking demon back into the darkness of his mind.
"Bleedin' hell. Peaches, move or I'll put him down and fight you right now." Xander looked up even while continuing to sing about his bath time friend. For a moment, it appeared that Angel would stand his ground, but then he stepped aside and Spike rushed him into the wide elevator and started them back down.
In the garage, Spike put him in a Mustang before ripping off the plastic dash and playing with wires. Soon, they sped toward the room that Xander now thought of home, and he let himself fall back to sleep still quietly humming.
Xander was quickly learning to dread mornings: the cold realizations, the colder floor, the pain, the humiliation, the chains. So when the morning came, he ignored his body's various signals and tried to keep sleeping. Unfortunately sleep could only last so long, so he eventually felt himself unwillingly drifting toward consciousness. This time was different, though. He found himself warm beneath a sheet and heavy quilt, and he couldn't feel the smooth hard touch of steel anywhere on his body. Reaching up, he realized that Spike had even removed his collar.
"'Bout time, pet. Slept the best part of two days."
"Two days?" he asked as he slowly sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover the delicate bits even though dozens if not hundreds of vamps, including Spike, had seen him parade around in nothing more than a collar.
"Yeah. Startin' to get worried about ya. Ya aren't going to start singing the kiddie songs again, are ya?"
"No, no singing for me," he answered quickly, hoping that he spoke the truth.
"Want to tell me what that was about, pet?" Spike had been sitting in the chair, but now he rose and dropped the headphones on the chair as he relocated to the bed next to Xander.
"Kinda complicated," Xander hedged. He sure didn't want to tell Spike that part of him still craved Cassidy. Yeah, not of the good.
"Try me. I know something's wrong. You smell more like Cassidy than ever, yet ya staked him for me. Shouldn't happen like that. You should’ve staked me." Spike moved closer, and he couldn't help noticing the intense expression on Spike's face: confusion, but also something closer to wonder.
"I liked you better than Cassidy." He shrugged, not knowing how to explain his inner conflict. "I even missed your stupid music."
"You *liked* me?" Spike's eyebrow rose into his hairline. For the first time, he realized that Spike hadn't actually spiked his hair, it hung down and tried to form little curls. He reached up and touched one.
"*I* liked you," he confirmed. Spike must have heard the emphasis.
"*You* liked me, but someone in there didn't?" Spike asked while reaching up with a finger and tapping him on the head. "How many you got up there?"
"Just two." Xander had to smile at the irony of that statement. His need for a team of therapists had just turned into a need for a team of full-blown psychiatrists. "The demon isn't just a piece," he admitted.
"So you got a whole demon in there?" Spike's eyes narrowed and the head turned to the side.
"Think so. It took over. With Cassidy," he explained carefully. Then the floodgates opened. "I didn't think you'd come for me; I didn't think you wanted me and I hurt and Cassidy wouldn't let me die and the demon wanted Cassidy so bad and I thought Cassidy'd let me die if I just let the demon give him what he wanted but then the demon took everything and I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop him from hurting you." Xander realized he had reached the limit of even his babble-ability when he had to actually catch his breath.
"You didn't think I'd come for you, pet?"
"You wanted to get Cassidy, but I didn't think you wanted me; you didn't claim me even when you could have."
"Oi, that's a demon talkin' if I've ever heard one. Human would have appreciated not bein' thrown down and claimed." Xander suppressed a shudder that went through him at Spike's words, and the vampire's eyebrows reached new heights. "That what you want, pet?"
"I don't know what I want. I don't want just one thing; it's like I have thoughts in my head and I can't sort out which are mine and which aren't. God, I'm so screwed up I don't know why you didn't just dump me on Angel and forget about it."
"Luv, compared to Dru you're not just sane, you're nearly borin' in your saneness."
"I want to be wanted. I want to be respected." Xander began. He drew a breath, not sure how to really express the next one. "I don't want to have to fight myself anymore; I want all of me to want the same thing."
"Alright, pet. I do want ya; wouldn't have threatened to fight the pouf if I didn't. Have to say, if you have a demon in there and still managed to fight it down, that deserves a bit 'o respect. Means a lot that you did that for me; I've never had anyone put me first before." Spike looked away quickly.
"Spike?" He waited until the vampire turned back to him. "Didn't Dru…"
"No, luv. I was just her second choice behind Angelus. Got her full time after he went all soul-boy, but I always knew she'd pick her own sire over me, and I never made a childe before because she took all my time."
"A childe?" He felt the panic now. The demon roared to life, but visions of Gunn tracking him down and staking him sent his heart into overdrive.
"Innit what you want, pet? Innit what you're askin' me to do?"
"No. No vamping the Xan-man,” he felt his heart beating so loudly that he was sure Spike could hear echoes off the cement walls.
"You wouldn't be a minion, luv. I'd make you a full childe and keep ya safe, teach ya to be a master and we'd hunt together, equals," Spike used his best comfort voice, which seemed even more upsetting given the words.
"No, no, not liking that plan." Now his arms had joined the panic, shaking hands making it hard to keep the sheet in place. Oh lord, why hadn't he listened to the little warning bells in his head? He now realized why Angel had asked about whether he would be human; at the time he simply thought that the jerk was trying to drive a wedge between him and Spike.
"You'd like it once I turned you."
"But it wouldn't be me. I *know* I don't want to be turned, and any creature who does want to be turned *isn't* me. I want someone who wants the me with bad clothes and babbling and a habit of attracting psycho demons—I want someone who wants Xander Harris, not someone who wants a demon in my shape." Xander felt the tears start. "I'd rather you kill me, Spike. I'd rather be dead than know that you never chose me but wanted the demon Cassidy put in me or the demon you'd put in me…please, Spike."
"Oi, not fair using logic; thought you said you were a stupid git. Liar."
"Please." At the quiet plea, Spike reached out a hand and pulled him into an embrace.
"Won't do it if you don't want. Didn't work so well last time a vamp tried pushing you around. I just thought that if I could push the soul out, you wouldn’t have anything holding you back, and you'd want me." Xander had to stop and think about that before he realized where Spike had gone wrong.
"My demon doesn't want you, Spike," he admitted slowly. The hand that had been rubbing his back in sympathy stopped. "My demon wants Cassidy, but I'm stronger than the demon, so I'm forcing the demon to want you. The demon's being torn apart by wanting two different masters, hell two different *clans* at once. And I want you, the soul-me wants you. At least I think I want you; I can't tell with all these feelings stirring around in here."
"So if I get rid of the soul, you'll want Cassidy, or since you dusted him, his clan?" The rubbing began again.
"I don't know; I think so. The demon wanted Cassidy so much that it hurt. I had to resort to Sesame Street songs just to keep it away from the controls. Cassidy's minions thought I was nuts."
"Might agree with 'em. This is the strangest conversation I've ever had with a human. So your soul'd pick me if the demon didn't keep pulling for Cassidy's side?" Spike stood suddenly.
"I don't know. I just don't know anything anymore. Spike, what are you doing?" He watched suspiciously as Spike went over to the cabinet and returned not with the more familiar manacles, but rather with heavy leather restraints.
"Well, if I were a good person, I'd back off and give you time to sort out your own thoughts, but I'm not. I'm evil, pet. So, since you have a bit of a dispute, I figure I'll show your demon who's in charge. Figure the soul's on my side, so I'll just make sure the demon is too."
"Oh god, please Spike, no." He could feel the fear crawling up his backbone like a little live animal chewing its way up.
"Pet, I won't hurt you, won't *ever* hurt you." Spike dropped the restraints and sat next to him on the bed, pulling him into strong arms. "It's the only way to make you whole, innit? The only way to make the demon want what you want?" Xander felt his breathing slow as he realized the truth of Spike's words. "Trust me?" Spike asked, and Xander saw that he had the restraints in one hand. The demon and the soul wrestled for a moment and then Xander held out his wrists, trying to control the shivers that ran down his arms.
"You're safe, luv. You're always safe with me," Spike promised as he closed the buckle and pulled the cuffs together. "Just gotta listen to me on this one." Spike reached up and tied the end of the connected leather leash to the ring before running hands through thick, brown, curly hair. Xander tried to control an even harder shiver as he felt the fingers wander down to the skin of his neck and his scar.
"So glad I don't smell Cassidy on this," Spike whispered while touching Xander's cock even while pulling his body down so that he lay flat on the bed with his hands over his head. "Trust me," he asked, and Xander realized that he did, even if that made him the fool.